Showing posts from September, 2011

Movie Review: Granny (1999)

Ok, let me start this one off by saying, The Misses bought me this (Thank you) along with The Salena Incident and Knock Knock. So, I wasn't expecting much.... To be perfectly honest, I was expecting a certain level! Unfortunately, Granny did not serve up the cookies this time!

Calling this a film is so far from the truth, you might as well call it bananphone! In reality, Granny is a 25 minute long short-film that has had every scene stretched to breaking point in order to hit that 60 minute mark as advertised on the DVD case. Maybe they printed the cases before finishing the film and just had to make the time up to hit that target. Whatever the reason, watching the eight supposedly college friends sitting around talking about random crap was rather excruciating! To make it all seem a bit less interesting, they don’t even appear to be drunk or for that matter anywhere close to being college students! Quite literally the first 16 minutes of this film are them sat around talking abo…

Movie Review: Broken (2006)

Yet another film from the collection that got looked over again and again but on one rather gruesome night which also included Cannibal Holocaust I decided to give it a try.

A young woman awakes to find she has been kidnapped and is now trapped in the woods with a psychopathic loner. As well as making her perform sordid acts, she must also save herself from ridiculous situations which, if she wasn't hell-bent on making sure her daughter was ok, would be enough to finish anyone off.

One rather stomach clenching scene involves a razor blade and her intestines... I will say no more! The cast, as limited as the story allows are brilliant. For 99% of the film we only have interaction from two characters. Both are played perfectly. Nadja Brand plays Hope, the woman caught in this wicked trap and Eric Colvin plays "The Man", Hopes abductor and keeper.

The film mixes a great blend of suspense, gore and atmosphere and despite being very low on funding; the production value is very g…

Movie Review: Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)

Ed Wood's "Classic" has taken a few batterings down the years. Without question his biggest film but also considered to be one of the worst films ever made. Well... I saw this in the local unnamed generic Pound Shop and chomped at the bit. £1 for a classic was far too good a deal to pass up. Having only ever known Bela Lugosi as the star of real classics like Dracula and White Zombie, I was quite intrigued to discover why this outing had such a bad reputation.
After researching the film, it became abundantly clear; This was the last film of an underappreciated career for the Hungarian master. One which sadly, he did not see through. Lugosi died of a heart attack during filming, so footage from some of Wood's' other side projects, which also featured Lugosi were used. They brought in a replacement actor to do the filler. However, not to very good effect as all scenes involving the stand in were shot with him covering his entire face with a cape.
Sad to say th…

Movie Review: Knock Knock (2007)

Ah, another cheap and cheerful slasher film from the very bottom of the bargain bin! This one sadly, belongs where I found it. With an unknown cast and a small budget, sometimes you can still come up with something a little more original!

Knock Knock boasts a standard revenge/slasher plotline filled with red herrings at every turn. Unfortunately it appears that the writers gave up and completely missed their opportunity for one of those glorious things in slasher films... A Twist. It was like they literally just ran out of ideas. Some of the death scenes are rather imaginative, if a little overcooked by the epilepsy inducing camera and editing department.

As for that unknown cast. Only one actor stood out in the whole thing, Antonio Mastrantonio, who plays the lead's grandfather and retired cop. Desperately trying to get back into Nikki's life. He soon teams up with rookie cop/hooker, Det. Billie, played ever so subtly by Kim Taggart. Her performance is so realistic, you co…

Movie Review: The Salena Incident (2007)

Here we go again! The Salena Incident was recommended by a friend, who simply said. Watch it! So, the first time the misses saw it for sale on the interwebnet, she snapped it up. 3-5 working days later, it landed on our door mat and swiftly found its way into the DVD player. I don’t mess around me, if a reliable source gives me gold; I’m not going to ignore it.
The film starts with some top notch special effects as what is obviously an alien craft comes crashing down to Earth. Some wonderful acting follows, as we see the Directors grandfather and all his bowls pals dressed in their best military issue uniform. Clearly discussing the afore mentioned crash. Cut straight from there to a group of America's finest marines descending many, many floors underground to search and contain anything they might find. Obviously, this goes pear shaped very quickly!

After this very swift opening, we are finally introduced to the main protagonists of the film. A group of convicts being transferr…

Movie Review: Savage Island (2005)

The misses chose this one after having been overlooked many, many times before. I suppose with all the crap I make her watch, I couldn't exactly say no!

The story starts with a couple, Julia & Steven along with their baby Alex, travelling to see Julia's parents, the Young family. Julia is clearly frustrated with the marriage and Steven doesn’t hold back in letting her know his feelings about spending his vacation on an island in the middle of nowhere. The Young’s live on a small island which is currently inhabited by a family of squatters, the Savage family, as well as themselves. As Julia & Steven are waiting for the boat to take them across the water they meet two members of the Savage family.

What follows is an uneasy and unnerving scene which showcases perfectly what kind of a family they are. With this unpleasantness behind them, Julia's brother Peter arrives with the boat. After arriving on the island and under the influence of some wacky backy, Peter begins…

Movie Review: Zombie Chronicles (2001)

Holy Shit! That pretty much sums up this poor excuse for a film! With a lot more emphasis on the Shit part of that comment.
Less of a film and more a "Twilight Zone" of stories.
We follow a journalist who gets lost looking for a town. She picks up a crazy local who says he can direct her. First moments of "What was i thinking!"

We eventually find ourselves in the first of two stories as the stranger begins to regale her with tall tales of the local area...
Both stories within the main story are poor at best. The main story is not much better but nothing can compete with the acting. I have seen a lot of "Low-Budget" horror films but this one can be dumped firmly in the "No-Budget" category.

Supposedly filmed in stereoscopic 3-D however this is the single most disastrous attempt at that medium that I have ever seen... Yes, I am including Jaws 3-D in that list! The camera is jerky and scratchy, I assure you, I could have done a better job with …